“How was what?”
“Eating out another girl—how was it? Did you put your tongue inside?”
Toni started off on a barrage of perverted questions about sex between two women. Even though I didn’t want to answer, I didn’t know how to answer them in the first place; I didn’t even remember having sex with another woman, let alone eating her out. My mind drifted back to when I first woke up in that girl’s house and I found a pubic hair in my mouth. I shuddered as the strange taste hit my tongue again. Before Toni could ask any more questions, I managed to break my hand free and firmly covered her mouth.
The glimmering in Toni’s eyes slowly faded as she started to realize the seriousness of the situation. She nodded and I moved my hand away, letting her speak again.
“Does Samuel know?” she asked, lowering her voice as she walked back to the couch.
I shook my head, disappointed with myself, and sat at the other end of the couch. “When I came home I still had the lingering smell of the girl’s room. I told him that it was a new perfume you got and I had tried it on.”
“Did you have any marks on you?”
“No, thank God. He would have flipped out if he saw any.”
Toni asked the main question that would determine my next move, “Do you plan on telling him?”
I didn’t answer right away. I put my face in my hands, burying it to try and hide the shame painted on my face. As much as I loved Samuel, his jealousy was a problem. Sometimes he’d get an attitude all because Toni wanted to take me out for a calm night out. Guys would approach us but Toni would be the one who gave them the attention they were looking for; I would just talk to them to pass the time, openly telling them I’m taken. Even then, most of the time if I went out with her, it was to be a second opinion on a guy she’s thinking about seeing. If I ever slept with another man, Samuel would go ballistic. In this case it was a woman, but I was still sure that he’d still lose it. Being single was probably a better idea before telling him what I did.
I tugged at the bottom of my white tank top to clear off the few tears that came out. Deep breath in and out, and finally looking at Toni again, I shook my head, sniffling every now and then.
Toni watched me and sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. From the way she was looking at me, all she had was pity for me and my situation. They darted around the room for a minute, probably in deep consideration about an appropriate response to all this, before focusing on me again.
“You know,” she started, “that I’ll always have your back, Sara.” Toni began refilling my glass with more wine. “I’ll stay quiet as long as you plan to; my lips are sealed.”
Hearing her said that made me want to cry even more; I almost chocked trying to hold back the flood of tears I wanted to let out. As much as I wanted to throw myself at Toni and just cry in her chest, I couldn’t. If I cried for too long my eyes would stay bloodshot well after Samuel came home, and I didn’t want to give him something to focus on. If he saw that I was crying he’d ask me why—a loving gesture, but not for this situation.