“Goddamn it, Sam!” Alexis cries out as she tries to remove my hand wedge from her boobs. She smacks my hand away and her entire face just starts to turn red like a tomato as she prepares to pull out of the driveway, “I’m gonna get you when I get home.”
I bounce back a few steps so I wouldn’t get my foot ran over and start waving at her, “I’ll have dinner ready when you home!”
Alexis’s face gives away her embarrassment with the way she’s glaring at me while backing out and driving off. I keep waving at her even after she turns the corner and quickly leaves my line of sight. Out on the front lawn still in my red and blue polka-dot pajamas, I start yawning and stretching, a few places cracking and rattling. Now begins my typical day of what I normally do when Alexis is off making money.
Only thing is my laziness is extremely high right now, so I don’t even feel like doing all of the things I’m suppose to do today. Just to double check how many things I have to do, I reach in between my own boobs and feel around for a small slip of paper, managing to grab it with my fingers, “Let’s see what I’ve got to do today…”
* * * * *
“I bet you she’s been cheatin’ this entire time!”
“That’s bull and when the DNA test proves it, you’ll be running off like a little bitch!”
I can’t take my eyes off of the show; I don’t want to miss it when the wife slaps her husband if it turns out that she really wasn’t cheating. Recently, the 9AM line-up for T.V shows has been amazing, always starting off with that one show with the lie detector and paternity tests. Before, I didn’t really understand why people found these kind of shows so interesting. Regardless of whoever lies or tells the truth it’s always embarrassing and can easily put people to shame for putting their personal and private lives on display. But after watching it for a few months, I finally realizes why these kinds of shows have so many dedicated viewers.
After I take a big spoonful of rainbow colored cereal, I point my spoon at the overly dramatic dancing man on stage and say as I crunch, “I bet he’s the dad. That baby picture on the monitor looks exactly like him. That weird shaped nose matches up and everything.”
I keep feeding my face with sugar while the main host of the show walks up to the middle of the stage and pulls out an envelope, its contents being the results for the DNA test. Trying to build up the dramatics, he holds it over his head for a moment while the studio audience goes wild and shouting out their idea about what the results are. He finally opens it up and read aloud what’s on the paper.
“He’s not the father!”
Just like how these shows go, the man dashes off of the stage, constantly yelling about how the DNA test is a lie and that it messed up somewhere and all this other junk. As for the woman, she’s having a good time in front of the crowd, jumping around and gloating about the positive results. Either way, they both look pretty stupid, especially the guy for running off. In the middle of the celebration, the show quickly goes off and some boring commercial for athletic footwear comes on.