Tag: Humor

Monster Madness – What’s Better: Bleaching or Slime?

“Till death do us part.” It’s a simple line, yet it holds a deep and complex significance behind it. So many say those words, some fall apart rather quickly, and very few actually manage to make it until death is at their door.

In this case, death literally came for them but gave them another life: the life of a living skeleton. After living as a skeleton for so long he has forgotten what it’s like to be human. But he doesn’t mind it at all. However, his wife has a different idea about it.

After a few seconds of hearing my genuine laughter she finally looks at me again with a small smile on her face.

“But come on! You look handsome as a human, with your light brown hair and caramel-color skin. Why don’t you go to an alchemist to become fully human again?”

Monster Madness – Integration at the Counter

Have you ever looked at somebody and automatically assumed they acted a certain way based on your passed experiences? It’s an all too common thing that everybody does at some point in their life, whether they think of something positive or negative.

But out of all of the times that it occurred, how many of those times actually turned out to be completely different than what you expected? Did that person act differently, much more differently than you expected?

Even though I caught the end of the man’s story, I’m interested in knowing a bit more about the struggles of his work. I look at him to give my attention in case he begins a new tale.

I take another sip of my drink as I face the man, his light brown eyes already looking at me. He raises his glass at me with a big grin on his face, “Bosses are the worst part about working in an office, wouldn’t you agree?”

Cups & Gravity

Look at him, that smug grin frozen on his face. His eyes have been glimmering at me for the last few minutes, a sign of something devious being planned in his mind. I can’t take my sight off of him, or else he may try to capture me; I can’t let that happen under any circumstances. I’ve been on a streak for the last few days of being able to achieve my goal and managing to escape unharmed.

However, with each passing day, it has become a bit more complicated and complex to complete my goal. Today, after he finished doing the dishes, he hand dried each cup and placed them in the cupboard. Luckily for me, he left one glass out, his prized whiskey glass the Madam gave him for their wedding anniversary. His has his name engraved on the glass along with the logo of his favorite brand of whiskey. That glass undoubtedly must have cost a fortune to make.

And today’s the day I decide to knock it off of the counter and watch if it it shatters or not. It’s my duty as the feline of this household to make sure that things aren’t breakable. However, every time I knock a cup off of a counter-top, my owner always seems to get angry with me. I don’t understand why.

Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – A Pervert at Work, A Pervert at Home

Living around somebody who always has one thing on their mind can be a bit bothersome. Sometimes, the thing that’s on their mind can conflict with their actions and daily routines. However, if there’s some kind of compromise between you and the person, perhaps it won’t turn out so bad.

In Alexis’s case, living with a giant pervert does have its benefits, mostly knowing that she won’t have to worry about feeling unloved. Even if it means having to deal with an occasional booty grab. But when that kind of thing reaches her job, it’s a bit more embarrassing to try and deal with.

Better yet, more surprising based on who it’s coming from.

“Oi, Heather. Watch your back around Alexis. I heard she’s the dominate type.”

Heather’s fingers drop onto the keyboard and she look directly at me, shock in her eyes and her cheeks red with embarrassment, “W-What?!”

“Have your way with me!”

Embarrassing Drinks

Let’s be honest: Nobody really wants to be called out in a bar for something stupid or embarrassing. Nobody wants to be called out for accidentally spilling their drink on themselves, or getting turned down by an attractive person for having bad breath. But there’s one thing that nobody should ever have to endure when at a booming, popular bar.

Nobody wants their parents to have a matching outfit and acting a fool of themselves. Sadly, for Elizabeth, that becomes a reality when her mother forced her to put on a certain shirt on their night out. The thing is, this was suppose to be Elizabeth’s night out, not a mother-daughter night.

“Do I really have to do this?”

Elizabeth couldn’t help but feel numerous pairs of eyes on her. And none of their gazes was part of her intentions, but because of her mother.

Imaginary Platoon

War is a form of art, a violent and dangerous one. Its tool are the men and women on the front lines, looking like both a hero and invading enemy from the outside perspective. The paint, blood and limbs from the fallen.

It’s never a pretty sight to behold with one’s eyes. Some can experience traumatic moments in life if they managed to survive. However, there are those who only tell fables in order to seem like a hero.

Or because they’re probably not old enough to enlist in the army yet.

“Captain…”

“Damn it, Samson, you’re not gonna die on me! I won’t let you, that’s an order! If you disobey an order, I won’t hesitate to call the higher-ups!”

Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – Shop and Dash

Nobody wants to look into their fridge and witness an undesired emptiness: no food to eat. A homeowner looking into an empty fridge is like an artist staring at a blank canvas or empty book: something should be there to cover up the empty space. For Samantha, an empty fridge would make it harder for her to create amazing dishes in the kitchen. 

Heading out early in the morning to get some grocery shopping done for a few things, Sam’s trip goes from a simple grab and go, to a mission to sneak around being seen by a specific person. 

Motivated by possibly getting praise and head pats for getting what Alexis asked for, Sam does everything she can to make sure everything ends in her favor. But like usual, she ends up forgetting something. 

Huh, it’s not looking too bad in here. I should still start writing a list of things we need though so I don’t forget.

“Eggs, eggs, eggs… Did I write bread and milk on the list, too?”

Awaiting Enemy

It’s always calm before the storm, silent before the approaching danger. The best way to deal with an arriving enemy is to find tranquility and patience.

Even if the enemy is annoying, a calm mind will always achieve victory.

Sightless, I patiently await for my enemy to approach. Preparing myself, I open the palm of my hand and let it rest on my lap.

My enemy is here…

Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – Daily Routine Delivery

In every relationship, there’s always two sides to everything. One side may focus on keeping the family together at home, while the other goes out to work. In this case, it’s Samantha holding down the fort while Alexis tries not to fall asleep behind the desk.

Even though Sam loves to tease her girlfriend with perverted remarks and gaming jokes, she knows when it’s time to get down to business around the house. That’s if she’s able to overcome the constant desire for laziness and video games.

No matter what though, she still wants to make sure that she provides the three main things she was taught in order to keep her girlfriend happy.

Oh shit, she caught onto something. I need to change the topic before she pries deeper!

With nothing to lose, I dive my hand straight in between her boobs and frantically feel around for one of her nipples, “Let me cop a feel!”

On-Call Sharp Shooter (Part Two)

I swear, I hate when things don’t always go my way. First, I get an assignment that should have taken no more than twenty minutes and the next thing I know, it took me an hour. Thankfully, I was a bit drunk half of the time, but still, it was extra time wasted!

H.R better have some kind of way to repay me for that lost time. I mean, overtime pay would be nice, but it’s not enough! I should see if they can throw in an extra case of beer…

Regardless, I’m sure that once I speak to my boss, everything will be all settled out. She’s a pretty reasonable person who wouldn’t just drop things on me without a heads up, so she should already know that I want something out of this.

“What?!” I yell as I slam the door behind me when entering the room. “The only reason why I even came here was to complain about my last job!”

Yumiko ties her hair into a ponytail as she adjusts her desk chair, “What the hell happened with the last job? Did Takeo get away? Do I need to send a clean-up crew?”

“No. And if I needed a clean-up crew, I would have called it in beforehand.”

Wings, But No Hands

We continue on with the living situation with Mr. Takiyama, our normal day-to-day human resident, and his mystical creature roommate, Rei the Harpy. It’s that time of the year for Rei to being the usual changes for birds, but it seems more complicated than it should.

Normally, if she was around other harpies, it would be no issue because any problem they have would be solved in a matter of second. But since she’s with a human instead, things don’t turn out how they usually should.

And with feathers constantly falling off, Mr. Takiyama’s trying his best not to see certain things that he shouldn’t see.

“I don’t care what you say.”

“Does this mean it’s okay if I look at you while we’re talking right now?”

In case you forgot how things started, read their fated encounter in Winged Friend.

You’re Going Even If I Drag You

Time for another holiday family event. This time, ice cold beer and barbecuing will be the main event for today.

Surrounded by family and loved ones, it’s sure to be a fun time for all… except for the one person who didn’t want to even be there in the first place.

So many people can relate being dragged somewhere they don’t want to be…

“Yeah, and she told me she wasn’t going. Thus, I have no point in going.”