Tag: Humor

Volume Control

I think over the course of one minute, the guy’s hand was flailing in front of my face at least twenty times. Even if I was looking down at my screen, just minding my own business, a few of his fingers would pop up in my line-of-sight.

“Dude, I like them with the fat ass! Like, this big!”

Just from the conversation alone, I could tell why his hand appeared in my sight again. With my head still down at my phone I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw the guy—bald head, wearing a beige leather coat and an opened button-up shirt—leaning back with his arms as wide as possible. He kept going on and on, talking about how he’d like to have a chance to have sex with a woman with an ass that large. In his right hand was a half-full glass of dark beer, his fingers barely keeping a grip on it. The guys on the other side of him we’re laughing at his conquest.

The man let out a burp before he came back onto the bar counter, “I-I see you laughin,’ but I’m real! I’ll stick my dick in a big-ass ass.” He took a big swig of his beer and slammed it back down. He took in a big gasp and yelled out, “I’ll find a chick like that—I like big butts!”

I wanted to discreetly listen in on the conversation for as long as I could, but I couldn’t help but to turn my head and look to my right. I could feel my eyes squinting, in confusion at the drunk man next to me. My brain tried to keep up with the conversation, but he quickly jumped back and forth from talking about asses and the laughing person next to him.

You are one strange, bald man.

Originally, I had came to the bar to just relax and unwind from a stressful day at work—a common thing to do. I just wanted to have a nice drink and browse around on my phone for an hour or two, maybe chat it up with one of the bartenders for a bit. Never did I imagine I’d hear such a strange conversation going on next to me. And yet, I couldn’t get enough. Before I knew it, I had my drink tight in my hand as I continued to listen to the drunk man, not even trying to hide the fact that I was listening.

I laughed at the thought, it’s great that he can’t control the volume of his voice. More comedy gold for me.


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

Follow Luka on Facebook and Twitter for more content and a look into Luka’s life!

Drinks with Shelia [18+]

Shelia slid the drink in front of me and I immediately took a few sips, trying to get past the harsh alcohol in my mouth. The bar was loud as always, but that was something I’m used to.

But when I first went inside, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something didn’t feel right. The place was still crowded, the food smelled good, and alcohol was flying all around.

So, what was different today?

Sheila had a big grin on her face, hands on her hips.

“What?” I asked. “Somethin’ on mah face?”

Shelia laughed loudly, fixing her tank top to be more suited for work, “Yeah, I know. I can’t wait for this shift to be over. I have a lot more I want to do to you.”

Manga Review – Machimaho: I Messed Up and Made the Wrong Person Into a Magical Girl!

Manga Review – Machimaho: I Messed Up and Made the Wrong Person Into a Magical Girl!

Magical powers, bow-filled outfits and hair, and a small, flying creature to overlook the protagonist—all common things found in your usual magical girl series. Destructive punches and kicks, chain-smoking pack after pack, and rage-filled attitudes with the dirty language—things usually seen in a gritty action series. Ever seen what it’s like when there’s a magical girl who loves punching things through walls, doesn’t like going to class, and can burn out a cigarette with a single pull?

That’s what Machimaho does.

Following the life of Kayo Majiba, an obvious delinquent who constantly needs a smoke, Machimaho blends the two different genres together. After a random encounter with a mythical creature, who’s job is to monitor the appearance of the Atasunmo, evil creatures who love to feast on the negative energy of others, Kayo must now take up role of protecting the universe from these evil beings. However, being the delinquent that she is, Kayo doesn’t care about any of this.

Both the art and story were done by Souryu, and publishing by Seven Seas Entertainment. Through the use of dynamic angles, detailed expressions and constant action to keep the reader’s attention, Souryu gave a great first volume. Across the first few chapters, we are introduced to a small cast of characters who each have a unique personality that either provides comedic relief, helps establish the overall story, or even helps add to the dramatic and over-the-top fight scenes. We’re given a small glimpse into Kayo’s schooling and her home life, which is anything but the ordinary life a high school student should want or have.

machimaho1-cover
(Source: Seven Seas Entertainment)

The art style is also a very good strong point. In casual scenes there are moments when a character loses their temper, and the detail, and sometimes over-exaggerated expression that are use are either scary or hilarious, based on the emotion being shown—Kayo’s face can get pretty terrifying. But when the fight scenes happen, that’s when the art is at its best. There’s extra emphasis when Kayo sends her fist flying into an enemy, forcing them to go through the walls of a building. Seeing the crater left behind in an enemy’s head and the destructive power of what they’re capable of is very well detailed; of course, that if they manage to live through Kayo’s fists and heel kicks.

Besides having a powerful art style, the dialogues and interactions between characters are actually well thought out. Although it may seem like everything just has some kind of rage or anger behind it, there are parts where we learn more about each character’s thought process instead of just seeing what they do. Well, aside from the use of panty shots after Kayo kicks or gets caught in an explosion, which I personally don’t mind, as some of the poses she’s in are pretty funny. Aside from the main story, there are single page little side stories after each chapter, focusing more on Kayo’s off time, a nice little touch in between fight scenes.

On the surface of the story, Machimaho will come across as a renegade magical girl story, which is totally fine. But do keep in mind, it’s not Sailor Moon or Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica; right of the back, that’s noticeable. Souryu took a popular theme and put a new spin on it, and it’s pretty solid. And after reading it all the way through, to the introduction of Kayo’s potential rival, I can’t wait to see how much more ass she’ll be  kicking.

Want to read it for yourself? Machimaho is currently out in print and digital copies on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other major book retailers.


Follow Luka on Facebook and Twitter for more content and a look into Luka’s life!

100 Word Story – Quote Mr. Masters

A great man once said… something I can barely remember. I think it was something about a tree and growth, I don’t know. All I’m certain was that the moral of the quote was something about practice.

I think it was something like “A tree takes decades to reach its full height,” or some shit along those lines. All I know is Mr. Masters was trying to tell me about my growing potential for alchemy, and that it would take years before I truly understood what kind of power I was dealing with.

Something like that, at least I think.


Follow Luka on Facebook and Twitter for more content and a look into Luka’s life!

100 Word Story – Interrogation

So far, it is going great. I had originally prepared myself for some kind of intense interrogation, thinking of some answers to questions beforehand, but they’ve been acting really nice and not threatening to me. At least, not yet. Sometimes things going too smoothly is a bad thing.

“So, Eric,” Mrs. Hudson begins, “What’s Henrietta’s best trait about her?”

My honest answer is to talk about how big her boobs are, but I don’t think her mother would like that. Instead, I’ll just say, “She knows how to make people laugh with her cheesy puns.”

Mrs. Hudson smiles. Right answer.


 

Follow Luka on Facebook and Twitter for more content and a look into Luka’s life!`

June Note – 6/6/2018

It’s weird to see days where the temperature is in the 60s for most of the day. Though, being between 60 and 70 degrees is perfect weather for me. It’s not too hot and nice to have a light jacket if I want it.

Hello to the month of June and hello to y’all, the readers. How you doin’?

Now, for those who have been keeping up with these, I normally save the monthly note for about after the first half of the month is over, when I’ve started posting a bit. But this one is really early into the month, not even the first full week has gone by. Reason being that I have a few ideas on my mind that I wanted to let you all know beforehand, whether or not some of these happen or not.

The first thing on the agenda: Site Change and Update.

When I was looking at the drop-down list on the sidebar of the website, I felt like it was a bit cluttered. There are tabs for thing that only happen at a certain time of year or were only a one-time thing. So, what I was thinking was to change the different options to things being genre specific, while having the major, long term projects to have their own thing as well. I haven’t fully decided on that yet, but I should have the new sidebar in effect by the end of the month.

Second: Posting Frequency and Quantity.

Lately, I’ve found my passion for hand-writing my stories out in notebooks and then typing them up for posting. I feel like I get a lot more of a story put out that way and they’re better quality like this. That being said, I may limit my major posts to about twice a week. For a while, I’ve felt like you guys would want various kinds of things to read throughout the week.

I have a bunch of different story ideas, some already being worked on and some taking the back burner until my work load lightens up, so instead of a weekly schedule, I may do like a monthly schedule. It would let me get out more stories and still give me time to prepare the next chapter, if certain ones are going to be long-term. If I still have a small page or two story to put out, I’ll just do it.

Last: Nothing.

You were expecting there to be a third topic, weren’t to? Well, no for this post. These two topics were on my mind a lot, so I wanted to inform you guys of the possible changes coming, to keep you guys in the loop. Some things aren’t final yet, but they’re in the process of being sorted out. Nonetheless, I will continue to put things out for you all to read whenever you have free time or want to distract yourself from work just like I do.

That’s all for now, everybody. Enjoy the rest of your day!

May Note – 5/21/2018

It’s officially spring, y’all! Do you know what that means? It’s fucking allergy season. Be prepared to hear a whole lot of stuffy nose blowing, dramatic sneezing that can’t be faked, and bloodshot eyes that makes people look demonic.

I personally suffer from year-round allergies, but spring is when it all flares up. And believe me, IT SUCKS.

But enough about snot and boogers. It’s another monthly update, and I’m here just to share my progress on some stuff. First and foremost, I’ve officially started a new erotic story that I plan to update every Saturday, if I manage to get the chapter done by then. For those who haven’t been keeping up with my unusual post releases, The series is called “Don’t You Remember?” and it follows a woman named Sara. After waking up in the bed with a mysterious woman, Sara tries to retrace her footsteps to figure out just what the hell happened and how she ended up there. Yes, it may be a bit cliche, but hey, I’m trying. Part One is ready to read, and Part Two was recently posted on Saturday, May 19th. Feel free to take a look if you’re into that kind of stuff.

Second. I more or less have the next chapter of Alex and Sam finished. I just have to do some editing and change some things around, and it’ll be ready for you guys to read. I’m still trying to figure out if I want to change a few details, not really about Alex and Sam as characters, but more or less about certain details, like where they live and other characters that appear in the story. But I’ll figure that out eventually.

Third, but not too important so this part is extremely short, I’ve been reading a lot more lately, so every now and then I’ll be posting a review of what I read and will be adding the category “Book Reviews” to the drop down list. I’ll try to add a post for every book I finish, if I remember.

Lastly, I know I’ve said this before, but I really do appreciate everybody who comes and visits this my website. I know I’m terrible when it comes to posting stuff on a regular schedule, but I I’m really grateful for all those who read my work. Many of you have also been around ever since I first started gaining followers, so to know that there’s both new people and returning readers is a major lift to confidence in myself. And I want to thank all of you for that. On the same tone, please, don’t be afraid to leave comments, suggestions, or send me emails just saying “Hi” or whatever. I really like hearing about your opinions and any questions you guys may have. However, if I have likes on my stories and nobody going bat-shit crazy over tiny error and grammatical mistakes, I must be doing something, right? I didn’t go to college or anything and I’m more-or-less self-teaching myself grammar, so I’m sure I’m making mistakes left and right. Regardless, don’t be afraid to let me know about things you liked, things you didn’t like, things you want to see more off, etc. In case you want to email me, my contact and social information are here at the Contact Luka page.

Well, that’s all for now. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day, or night depending on when you’re reading this.

Don’t You Remember? (Part Two) [18+]

I was still trying to piece together the events of last night. Everything is still a blur, but I need to at least know how things happened. As much as I don’t want to, I’ll have to keep everything a secret from Samuel, my boyfriend. 

It was still surprising that I even ended up in bed with somebody else. Maybe Toni remembers something that I don’t. Wait, did I even see her last night?

Damn, I really can’t remember. Well, fuck it for now. Let me just ease up at home, try and get some sleep. Hopefully that will help bring things back to me. 

That’s how I’m going to keep last night a secret.

I gave Samuel another kiss on his cheek before breaking away and walking down the hallway to the back of the apartment, “Yeah. Toni went shopping earlier this week.”

I couldn’t help showing a coy smile at him, “Hey there, big man. You trying to spy on me while I’m showering, huh?”

Monster Madness – What’s Better: Bleaching or Slime?

“Till death do us part.” It’s a simple line, yet it holds a deep and complex significance behind it. So many say those words, some fall apart rather quickly, and very few actually manage to make it until death is at their door.

In this case, death literally came for them but gave them another life: the life of a living skeleton. After living as a skeleton for so long he has forgotten what it’s like to be human. But he doesn’t mind it at all. However, his wife has a different idea about it.

After a few seconds of hearing my genuine laughter she finally looks at me again with a small smile on her face.

“But come on! You look handsome as a human, with your light brown hair and caramel-color skin. Why don’t you go to an alchemist to become fully human again?”

Monster Madness – Integration at the Counter

Have you ever looked at somebody and automatically assumed they acted a certain way based on your passed experiences? It’s an all too common thing that everybody does at some point in their life, whether they think of something positive or negative.

But out of all of the times that it occurred, how many of those times actually turned out to be completely different than what you expected? Did that person act differently, much more differently than you expected?

Even though I caught the end of the man’s story, I’m interested in knowing a bit more about the struggles of his work. I look at him to give my attention in case he begins a new tale.

I take another sip of my drink as I face the man, his light brown eyes already looking at me. He raises his glass at me with a big grin on his face, “Bosses are the worst part about working in an office, wouldn’t you agree?”

Cups & Gravity

Look at him, that smug grin frozen on his face. His eyes have been glimmering at me for the last few minutes, a sign of something devious being planned in his mind. I can’t take my sight off of him, or else he may try to capture me; I can’t let that happen under any circumstances. I’ve been on a streak for the last few days of being able to achieve my goal and managing to escape unharmed.

However, with each passing day, it has become a bit more complicated and complex to complete my goal. Today, after he finished doing the dishes, he hand dried each cup and placed them in the cupboard. Luckily for me, he left one glass out, his prized whiskey glass the Madam gave him for their wedding anniversary. His has his name engraved on the glass along with the logo of his favorite brand of whiskey. That glass undoubtedly must have cost a fortune to make.

And today’s the day I decide to knock it off of the counter and watch if it it shatters or not. It’s my duty as the feline of this household to make sure that things aren’t breakable. However, every time I knock a cup off of a counter-top, my owner always seems to get angry with me. I don’t understand why.

Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – A Pervert at Work, A Pervert at Home

Living around somebody who always has one thing on their mind can be a bit bothersome. Sometimes, the thing that’s on their mind can conflict with their actions and daily routines. However, if there’s some kind of compromise between you and the person, perhaps it won’t turn out so bad.

In Alexis’s case, living with a giant pervert does have its benefits, mostly knowing that she won’t have to worry about feeling unloved. Even if it means having to deal with an occasional booty grab. But when that kind of thing reaches her job, it’s a bit more embarrassing to try and deal with.

Better yet, more surprising based on who it’s coming from.

“Oi, Heather. Watch your back around Alexis. I heard she’s the dominate type.”

Heather’s fingers drop onto the keyboard and she look directly at me, shock in her eyes and her cheeks red with embarrassment, “W-What?!”

“Have your way with me!”