Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – A Pervert at Work, A Pervert at Home

In perfect unison Eliza and I look directly at each other, waiting for the other person to give their answer first. I point at Eliza and she give a shrug. After a quiet minute of constant eye contact, we split and look at Heather again.

“I like the pay,” Eliza says with blunt honesty. “When I first started here a few years ago, I was making the base payout for somebody who does Accounting, but it quickly soared when I showed the company how much they needed me.”

I jump in and cut Eliza off, “And yet, you try to do the bare minimum on a daily basis.”

Eliza gives me the middle finger and chuckles, “Alright, so why are you still here then, Alexis?”

“It was the first job offer I got about two weeks after I graduated college. Couldn’t ask for a better boost to start living my life without the painful suffering of sitting through boring lectures. Besides, I think we have it a bit easier than the others in the main office down the hall, so I can’t complain too much.”

“Now that I think about it, when you first started, you were hired as one of us executives and brokers and not one of the normal positions.” Eliza slowly gets up from her seat and leans on the table, her eyes squinting at me. She lowers her voice like she’s trying to keep our conversation confidential and questions me, “Who did you have to sleep with to jump up to our pay rates?”

Carefully, I push my chair back as I stand up and slam my hands onto the table. I look at Eliza dead in her eyes and say with confidence, “My college professors know how to put in a nice word for those who deserved it.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

I lock Eliza in a standstill; neither of us move for a second. Just enjoying the comical show while dipping her sandwich in the soup, Heather looks at us, waiting for one of us to make the next move. After enough time passing, just a few seconds to be honest, we both give up and drop back down into our seats, going back to finishing our food. Eliza grabs a hot sauce pack out of her plastic bag and dumps it all on her burrito.

“That makes sense coming from you. I couldn’t see you brown-nosing up to Nicole. I swear, I can’t stand her when goes on a bitch fit. Thank god she’s not in the office most of the day.”

“I wonder where she is most of the time,” Heather says as she takes another bite of her food.

“Well, be glad that she’s not here,” Eliza responds as she points at Heather. “If she was here, she wouldn’t need an assistant to cover her messages and work. So, basically, her not being here is the reason for you being here, Cotton Candy.”

Now that I think about it, Nicole’s lack of an appearance at the office actually does make sense for Heather being here; Nicole would need somebody to keep her in the loop of things happening around the office and upcoming meetings. However, most of the time Heather is just covering the minor and easier end of our work load during the day, so it’s almost likes she’s more of an office assistant instead of a personal one. Regardless, her being here is both a well needed stress relief and a nice change of pace.

When I look at Heather to see her reaction to Eliza’s theory, she’s trying to hold herself back from breaking out into a panic, “You’re right! If Ms. Auburn was around more, I really wouldn’t be needed! I wouldn’t have a job!”

I let out a sigh and keep eating, Goddamn it. Now I need to try and help her calm down before she overthinks things. At least she’s not focusing on perverted thoughts.

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