Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

SCENE 2

[The scene opens up with a shot of the GRIFFIN HOME and then changes to LOIS sitting on the couch in the living room, not really paying attention as she watches television. She keeps watching for a moment before BRIAN comes in and approaches LOIS, getting her attention by calling out to her.]

BRIAN
Hey, Lois?

LOIS
Oh, hey, Brian. What’s up?

BRIAN
Have you seen my dream journal?

LOIS
Since when did you start to keep a dream journal?

BRIAN
A couple of days ago I read an article about different ways writers tend to keep their ideas from getting away. One suggestion was keeping a dream journal nearby, so that when I wake up the next day, the first thing I do is write down anything I can remember about the dream. Sometimes best-selling novels can come out of a dream.

LOIS
[Annoyed, eye lowered halfway] You’re still hoping to become a best-selling author?

BRIAN
[Cocky, but not arrogant] I’m hoping to write another best-seller. Remember when I wrote ‘Wish It, Want It, Do It?’

LOIS
Didn’t shipping companies buy your books and tear them apart to use it as packing material?

BRIAN
Yes, and at first, it hurt me, like a bullet piercing the arm of an American soldier the storming of the beaches of Normandy on D-Day.

LOIS
[Abruptly cuts BRIAN off to prevent him from continuing.] Shut the fuck up. I haven’t seen your dream diary anywhere.

BRIAN
[Slightly pissed] You could have simply said no. [BRIAN walks out of the living room. A few seconds later he peeks his head around from the corner.] And it’s called a dream journal.

[BRIAN finally leaves entirely. A couple seconds after, the front door quickly opens and PETER walks in carrying a large plastic back with a bunch of tapes and DVDs of various kung fu movies and icons. PETER walks right up to the television and turns on the DVD player.]

PETER
Watch out, Lois. I need to study.

LOIS
[Obviously confused] Petah, what are you doing? And what do you have in that bag? What do you mean you need to ‘study?’

PETER
I have a week to become a kung fu master, and I need to start watching the legends in action in order to become one. [Takes the remote to the DVD player and sits on the couch next to LOIS.]

LOIS
Petah, you can’t learn kung fu just from watching movies. Besides, it takes years upon years in order to even understand exactly what kung fu is and means. You don’t have the time or the body to try and learn the basics.

PETER
Lois, in case you didn’t know, I am a visual learner. I can learn anything I want just by paying attention to it. You can show me a bunch of charts, and I’ll instantly get all of the needed information from it.

LOIS
Every time you see a pie chart, you think each color represents a different flavor based on popularity.

PETER
It’s the person’s fault for making the chart so colorful. And if it’s not about pie, why the hell is it called a ‘pie chart’ then? Why not call it a circle chart?

LOIS
Shut up, Petah. [LOIS turns her attention and notices the first Kung Fu Panda movie playing.] Why did you buy a children’s movie in order to learn about kung fu? It’s all fake.

PETER
That’s exactly what the guys said. But if you think about it, if a giant panda, who clearly weighs more than me, and a bunch of dumb animals can learn kung fu, why can’t I learn just by watching them? It only makes sense.

LOIS
[Clearly stopped trying to understand PETER and his logic, so she rolls her eyes.] They are a number of martial art studios around town, but whatever, do whatever you want.

[PETER and LOIS begin watching Kung Fu Panda together in the living room. Some really stupid and comedic moment happens on the television, making PETER obnoxiously laugh and point at the television.]

PETER
This movie is both informative and fun to watch!

[Fast forward to later in the day, at night now, and PETER is still watching movies in the living room. All of the lights are off except for the television. PETER is hunched forward, focusing intently on the Kung Fu Panda movies. A few moments later, LOIS comes halfway down the steps in a sleeping gown and leans over the railing to see PETER the way he is.]

LOIS
Petah, it’s one in the morning. Come to bed.

PETER
Can’t right now, Lois. I’m on the fifth movie, and I’m about to learn how to do a somersault kick from Tigress.

LOIS
[Aggravated.] Petah! Stop watching that children’s movie and come to bed right now!

PETER
There’s only like twenty minutes left in the movie! I’ll come to bed when the credits come on screen.

LOIS
You promise?

PETER
I promise.

[LOIS takes a deep breath and heads back upstairs to the bedroom, leaving PETER to finish watching his movie.]

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