Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

SCENE 4

[Later in the day, late morning with the sun high above. While LOIS is out at her doctor’s appointment, PETER gave in and finally got rid of the exercise mats from the living room, holding two large rolled up bundles under his arms as he walks down the street with a mopey look. PETER is still wearing the black and yellow jumpsuit.]

PETER
[Dragging his feet, upset.] Man, it sucks that Lois didn’t trust me and my kung fu mastery. If she had only given me just a minute or two to show that I knew what I was doing, she would have changed her mind.

[PETER continues to walk down the street in silence as he carries the exercise mats to a local fitness shop. As he walks down the block with a bunch of open stores, he sees a small group of children playing in front of somebody’s yard, all of them acting like they’re play fighting with one another. As PETER approaches the fitness shop and notices the kids, he looks down at the mats in his arms and gets a quick burst of inspiration. While PETER keeps his eyes on the kids, one of them calls out to him.]

TYLER
Hey, Mister! What’s with the black and yellow suit you have? Are you a karate master?

PETER
[Feeling prideful, puffing out his chest.] Why yes I am! I was just walking by, getting some more stuff for my dojo, when I saw you and your friends playing over there.

TYLER
Yeah! Me and my friends saw Kung Fu Panda yesterday, and now we’re trying to learn some moves. Do you think you can show us?

PETER
Can I show you? I’ll do you one better and teach you how to become like that giant panda and do whatever he can do!

[The small group of children get excited and cheer with one another. They quickly rush from the front lawn and stand around PETER as he unrolls one of the mats on the concrete sidewalk. The children then quickly get onto the mat and sit on their knees in front of PETER as if he was an actual dojo sensei. Seeing the kids doing this, PETER gets full of himself and starts pacing back and forth with his arms folded behind his back.]

PETER
Alright, my young pupils. Today marks your first real lesson in the way of kung fu.

CHILD #2
I thought we were going to learn karate?

PETER
[Plays off what CHILD #2 said.] Karate, kung fu, they all involve hitting and kicking something–they’re all the same thing. Now, as I was saying, it’s time to teach you guys the way of kung fu. But before I do that, are there any moves you guys would like to see in real life?

[The group of children all raise their hand in excitement as they each have an answer to PETER’s question. After a few seconds of looking around at the children, PETER points at one to answer.]

CHILD #3
Can you show us that same somersault kick that Tigress did in the movies? That was awesome!

PETER
[Strokes his chin, trying to build suspense.] The somersault kick, huh? It’s the most effective and flashiest move I know. But to truly show it off, I’m going to need an assistant. [Points to TYLER.] You there! Would you like to witness the true power of kung fu?

TYLER
Would I! [TYLER quickly gets up from his spot and walks up to PETER.]

PETER
[PETER instructs TYLER to stand a few away from him and takes a step back, getting into a fighting stance.] What’s your name, kid?

TYLER
My name is Tyler.

PETER
Alright, Tyler. I’m going to do a somersault kick, and it will be so close to your face, you’ll feel a breeze pass right by without me even kicking you. Okay?

TYLER
[Excited, with an ear to ear smile.] Okay!

[PETER does a quick bounce in place as if he was about to do a lunge kick, trying to hype himself up. PETER then starts making cliché “HIYA” and “WA-TAH” sounds as he takes a step before going to for a kick. As soon as his leg leaves the ground, PETER stumbles back like an idiot and slips on the exercise mat, falling down. As PETER goes falling to the ground, the foot he was going to use to kick comes flying up and kicks TYLER straight in his groin, making him jump a foot in the air and cry out in absolute pain. TYLER then falls to the ground and rolls around in agony, tears flooding from his eyes and calling out for his mommy. PETER quickly gets back onto his feet and immediately realizes what he has done. In a stupid attempt to try and act like he didn’t see anything, PETER slowly backs away from the scene and then runs away when he gets far enough.]

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