Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

SCENE 3

[It’s the next day, early morning when everybody is still asleep in then GRIFFIN HOME. In STEWIE’s room, BRIAN stretches on the mat in front of the crib and starts to wake up, yawning loudly. As soon as he realizes it’s morning, he starts looking around the room.]

BRIAN
Damn it, I need to find my dream journal. I got a good idea I need to write down before it’s gone.

[BRIAN searches underneath STEWIE’s crib, all through the toy box, and even inside the dressers and closet, but he still couldn’t find what he was looking for. Deciding to look somewhere else around the house, BRIAN leaves the room and heads for the stairs to the living room.]

BRIAN
Maybe I took it downstairs to read some of the stuff I wrote down. It could have fell between the couch cushions or somethin’.

[When BRIAN reaches the living room, he quickly notices the obvious change to the room. The couch was gone, the television and dresser was pushed to a corner of the room, and one massive blue exercise mat covered up most of the living room floor.]

BRIAN
[Slowly walking into the middle of the room, looking around.] What the hell happened around here? Where’s all the furniture?

[Right as BRIAN gets into the middle of the room, PETER walks in from the kitchen, wearing a black and yellow jumpsuit and with a black headband tried around his forehead. He’s obviously excited and happy to see somebody walking into the living room.]

PETER
Brian! Welcome to my dojo!

BRIAN
[Confused.] Your dojo?

PETER
Yep. I was up all night watching kung fu movies, and now I’m a black belt.

BRIAN
[Clearly disappointed and stares at PETER.] That’s not how that works, Peter. It takes years to earn a black belt in any kind of martial arts. You can’t become a black belt from binge-watching movies.

PETER
[Takes a fighting stance.] Wanna bet?

BRIAN
No. [Walks towards the corner with the television and sees a pile of DVDs and tapes, starting to read off the first couple of titles he sees.] Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The Karate Kid. Kung Fu Panda 6: Revenge of the Frog? Peter, these are all films, none of these actually teaches you kung– [Abruptly stops when he realizes something.] Wait, they made more than three Kung Fu Panda movies?

PETER
I know, right? That was what inspired me to learn kung fu.

BRIAN
A clearly overweight, fictional panda doing jumps, flips, and fighting evil inspired you to learn kung fu?

PETER
Yeah.

BRIAN
Okay, I’m not going to explain why your logic is flawed, so I’m going to just skip over it. But back to the point, you just can’t instantly learn kung fu from watching movies, especially from ones designed for kids.

PETER
[Takes a fighting stance again.] Then let Master Peter prove you wrong.

[PETER rushes over and tries to throw punches and kicks at BRIAN, hitting him once or twice in the face. BRIAN quickly gets angry and starts to fight back, the both of them now in a tumble in the middle of the room. PETER clearly isn’t fighting with any kind of grace or elegance that a kung fu master would have, and ends up catching BRIAN in a headlock, but BRIAN quickly gets out.]

BRIAN
[Clearly pissed, his fur all messed up.] Peter, what the hell is wrong with you! You could seriously hurt somebody, you don’t know what you’re doing!

PETER
[Trying to catch his breath.] I knew exactly what I was doing. You’re lucky I didn’t bring out my somersault kick on you. It would have been lights out for you.

BRIAN
Know what? Screw this. I came down here looking for something, and all I got was a fat man playing pretend karate. [BRIAN storms out of the living room and heads into another part of the house.]

PETER
Go ahead, run away! But you’ll be back for my lessons when you get your ass kicked by some homeless guy on the side of the road.

LOIS
[LOIS starts coming down the steps after hearing a loud commotion coming from the living room.] Petah, what’s going on? I heard screaming and thought– [Reaches the bottom step and sees that everything is different in the living room, shocked beyond surprise.] What the hell happened in here?! Where’s the couch and the T.V?!

PETER
Ah, Lois! You’re finally awake! Welcome to my dojo!

LOIS
A dojo? Petah, you can’t just turn our living room into a dojo. Get all of this stuff out of here and put everything back the way it was. You were up all night watching kung fu movies, weren’t you?

PETER
See, Lois, at first I thought I was watching kung fu movies, but when I finished watching all of the Kung Fu Panda movies, I realized something. I wasn’t just watching movies. I was learning a new way of life and a new found appreciation for martial arts. And I decided to spread my knowledge with the world.

LOIS
[Trying not to lose her attitude and blow up, LOIS takes a deep breath and stares at PETER with a serious expression.] You don’t know anything about kung fu and you’re not running a dojo out of our living room. Listen, I have a doctor’s appointment in a couple of hours. I want the living room back to normal by the time I get back.

PETER
And if I don’t?

LOIS
[Stern.] You will.

[In an attempt to try and intimidate LOIS, PETER takes the same fighting stance that he took with BRIAN. However, all LOIS does is fold her arms and stare back at PETER without batting an eye. After an intense stare down, PETER finally backs off and calms down.]

PETER
I will let quell the rising dragon within my fists for the time being.

LOIS
Uh-huh. I better see the couch back when I come home later.

[Finished with trying to get her point across, LOIS looks around the living room one last time and heads back up the stairs to the bedroom. PETER calmly watches LOIS vanish upstairs, tightening his fist as he feels some kind of fake fire burning inside his chest.]

PETER
Soon, fists. Soon.

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