Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

Mock Script – Family Guy: Peter’s Kung Fu Adventure

SCENE 5

[It’s the afternoon and LOIS returned from her doctor’s appointment. Having seen the living room put back to normal, with the couch back and the television back in its place, LOIS is cleaning around and adjusting things to make everything look neat. In the background, LOIS has the television tuned to the news channel, listening every now and then to what’s being announced. As LOIS is going about her business, PETER rushes into the house, trying not to show is anxious mood.]

LOIS
[Turns around and see PETER walking in.] Hey, Petah. Thank you for getting all of that exercise stuff out of the house.

PETER
[Frantic.] Uh-huh, yeah, no problem.

LOIS
Listen, I thought about how much you were talking about kung fu and wanting to share it with the world, so I decided to schedule you a few lessons down at one of the martial arts studios downtown. You seemed happy about it, and I felt kinda bad making you get rid of the dojo in the house.

PETER
[Sits down on the couch, trying to relax.] Geat job, Lois.

LOIS
[Notices PETER acting strange.] What’s wrong, Petah? You seem kinda nervous. Is everything okay?

PETER
Yep, just peachy. Just wanna sit down and watch T.V in silence.

[Right as PETER mentions watching television, the news puts on a breaking news bulletin, with TOM TUCKER headlining it.]

TOM TUCKER
Hello, my name is Tom Tucker with Quahog 5 News, and we have the latest breaking news coverage of what’s going on around town. Earlier today a seven-year-old boy was physically assaulted by an adult.

LOIS
[Worried.] Oh my god! I hope the boy is okay.

TOM TUCKER
The seven-year-old was rushed to a nearby hospital after being assaulted by a grown man while playing with his friends. The boy said that he was approached by a man in a yellow and black jumpsuit claiming to be a martial arts master who wanted to show the children a few impressive moves. Instead, the man viciously kicked the young boy in his genitals so severely that he will be having sex reassignment surgery to try and save whatever functioning genitals he has left. The young boy’s name was Tyler, but will now be known a Tylina when out of surgery. More on this story as it develops.

[The living room is completely silent except for the news continuing on the television. Both PETER and LOIS continue to stare at the television for a moment. Quickly putting two and two together, LOIS slowly turns her head to look at peter, furiously angry but not showing it on her face. PETER continues to try and act calm and collective for another moment before facing LOIS.]

PETER
[Totally calm and innocent.] I didn’t do it.

LOIS
[Explodes with anger.] PETAH!

PETER
Lois, before you get mad, let me explain my side of the story.

LOIS
What is there to explain? You severely injured a child. You hurt him so bad he now physically classifies as a girl!

PETER
To be fair, it was his fault for wanting to see my mastery of kung fu. If he didn’t ask me, he wouldn’t be in the hospital about to become a girl right now. So I feel like he is mostly to blame.

LOIS
You’re going down to the hospital and apologizing to that boy and his family right now.

PETER
I will do no such thing.

LOIS
Petah, hospital. NOW.

PETER
[PETER squints his eyes as a threat. PETER gets up from his seat and takes a fighting stance.] Make me.

[Fed up with PETER and his antics, LOIS gets up from her seat and takes a proper fighting stance against PETER. They both stare at each other, waiting for the first person to make a move. Starting the fight, PETER lunges in to try and get a punch on LOIS, but she easily grabs his arm and moves around behind him, bending it behind his back. LOIS them kicks PETER in the back of the knee, forcing him to fall to the ground. With a proper grip on PETER, LOIS gets on his back and makes him struggle.]

LOIS
You’re going down to that hospital and apologizing! [Puts more pressure on PETER’s arm]

PETER
[Crying out, struggling to get free.] Alright, alright! I’m gonna go down there!

LOIS
Say it like you mean it!

PETER
[Louder.] I’m going down to the hospital and saying I’m sorry!

[Feeling like PETER had enough to endure, LOIS gets off of him and backs away. PETER slowly gets up and rubs the arm that was being bent, whining and complaining about what LOIS did to him. After seeing PETER finally recover from the quick fight, LOIS walks off and goes upstairs to the second floor of the house. PETER watches and waits for LOIS to be out of sight.]

PETER
I’m not gonna say sorry.

LOIS
[Yelling from upstairs.] What was that?!

PETER
Nothing!

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