Tag: Humor

100 Word Story – Comedic Flop (Part Four)

The crowd went full force with the cheering and the clapping, a couple of them whistling with joy and excitement. I had to look at my watch just to make sure things were on time.

“Damn,” I mumbled to myself, “it’s almost been an hour since I got on stage. I can’t believe I managed to last that long.”

Everybody started calling out my name, asking me to end it all with one more joke for my session. Seeing all of the smiles and tears of laughter from them, I couldn’t say no.

“Y’all want one more for the road?”


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Comedic Flop (Part Three)

“So, I told my boss that his intern was already here and that the boss didn’t realize it. My boss just walked away and asked others if they saw the intern. Funny part is, I was the intern.”

Everybody was laughing their asses off, some of them even falling over and slamming their hands on the tables. One of the guys closest to the stage was drinking when I said the joke, making beer shoot out from his nose.

I pointed him out of the crowd with the mic, “Careful, we got a squirter here, and it’s not my ex-wife.”


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Comedic Flop (Part Two)

As I proceeded to go on I began to walk back and forth across the stage, breaking away at my stiff placement in the center. I carried the mic stand over my shoulder as I continued, fueling myself with a tad more confidence. “And that’s when I tell my cousin, ‘I’m pretty sure the dog got to them.’”

A couple chuckles from a few people in the crowd; there was one guy in the back who was trying to catch his breath from laughing so hard.

I personally didn’t think my material was the best, but they were loving it.


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Comedic Flop (Part One)

The bright, yellow spotlight was beaming straight at me from the stage lighting setup in the back. The small sea of heads at the bottom of the stage sat motionless, dozens of eyes all focused on me to say something.

My heart was ramming against my rib cage, eager to try and escape this place. In the back of my mind I wanted to follow my heart and run out of here, but all of this was my idea in the first place.

After a small sigh to relax, I grabbed the mic and began, “So, how’s everybody doing tonight?”


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Let It Rip (Finale)

Oliver had to leave behind Joseph’s body, the extra weight being too much to carry through the green fog. With one last ditch effort, and the final clean gasp of air from his filters, Oliver sprinted to the last table of the mess hall.

“Tommy!” He screamed, taking off his gas mask. With a leap he jumped over a dining chair, and landed on the last table. In front of him was Tommy, the source of the gas. Determination in his eyes, Oliver smacked the fork from Tommy’s hand.

On his last breath, Oliver begged, “Stop farting, you fat fuck.”


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Let It Rip (Part Four)

The pair pushed open the double doors to the mess hall. The entire area was silent, the only sound coming from the other side, near the back wall: the sound of utensils scraping the inside of a ceramic bowl. Oliver and Joseph struggled and clenched their teeth as they walked past numerous empty seats.

“I can’t believe Tommy can sit in this funk,” Oliver said with amazement.

Joseph coughed a bit before he could reply, “He probably doesn’t notice it since the smell is coming from him.” Joseph swallowed some bile that came up. “Jesus, it’s coming through my mask.”


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Let It Rip (Part Three)

Oliver and Joseph had to get the situation under control—they had to get back to the source in the mess hall. Going back into the corridors was like walking back onto a battlefield. A thick green gas clouded their vision. The cries and coughing of navy troops who didn’t escape echoed all around them. They carefully navigated around, making sure not to step on anybody.

“Geez… It’s like a post-apocalyptic scene,” Oliver mumbled, stepping over a flailing troop. “They can barely breathe.”

“Make sure you don’t let your filters run out,” Joseph reminded, muffled from wearing the gas mask.


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Let It Rip (Part Two)

Everybody ignored the order to keep calm and orderly—they were all running down the metal corridors as fast as they could. The navy crew pushed each other aside to try and get to the other end of the corridors as fast as possible, only caring about themselves.

Luckily for Oliver and Joseph they were able to pick up on the early warning signs and was able to stay ahead of the pack.

“What’s the plan, Joe?” Oliver questioned between breaths.

“We make it to my quarters. I might have a plan,” Joseph answered, glancing at Oliver for a moment.


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Let It Rip (Part One)

“Hit the deck, he’s gonna blow!”

Oliver looked back at Joseph, trying to figure out why he was suddenly yelling out, “What the hell are you talking about, dude?”

“It’s Tommy, he’s gonna explode!”

“What? What does that even mean?”

Joseph couldn’t control his panicking, frantic mind. He ran up to Oliver and grabbed him by the collar of his uniform, staring at him with looming dread in his eyes. “It’s ‘Chili Night’ in the mess hall.”

“And?”

“Tommy is on his forth bowl…”

It finally clicked with him. Oliver knew how dire the situation was. “Dear God, help us…”


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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100 Word Story – Worm Boy

“Five bucks says you won’t have the guts to eat that worm.”

Dean looked at me, then at the worm in the dried mud puddle. The worm was confused as it tried to bury itself in the dried mud. It eventually gave up and just wiggled around.

Dead was always nervous and freaked out by bugs and stuff, but when he heard money was involved he suddenly became brave. He pinched the worm up and asked, “Five bucks?”

I pulled a five dollar bill from my shorts pocket, “Five bucks.”

In one bite Dean slurped the worm like wet spaghetti.


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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Wrong Spell

Wrong Spell

I know there’s a weird-ass anime screenshot posted on here, but hear me out for a second.

So last night I was relaxing at my usual go-to bar after leaving work, just to unwind and take a load off before going home for the night. I was writing something up on my phone when I got a sudden hit of Writer’s Block. What I then did was I went onto Twitter and asked for an opening liner to help get the thoughts going.

A friend of mine shared this screenshot, and I had absolutely no idea what anime it was from, so I just winged it and wrote this. I didn’t look up the source until AFTER I wrote it.

The anime is called Oretachi ni Tsubasa wa Nai-under the innocent sky (We Without Wings – Under the Innocent Sky.) I didn’t look too much into what the plot is about, but I did manage to find the scene where the screenshot came from. In case you want to watch it, here’s the link: Oretachi ni Tsubasa wa Nai

And, after looking at the video, I don’t think this story was tooooo far off…

Enjoy!

Volume Control

I think over the course of one minute, the guy’s hand was flailing in front of my face at least twenty times. Even if I was looking down at my screen, just minding my own business, a few of his fingers would pop up in my line-of-sight.

“Dude, I like them with the fat ass! Like, this big!”

Just from the conversation alone, I could tell why his hand appeared in my sight again. With my head still down at my phone I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw the guy—bald head, wearing a beige leather coat and an opened button-up shirt—leaning back with his arms as wide as possible. He kept going on and on, talking about how he’d like to have a chance to have sex with a woman with an ass that large. In his right hand was a half-full glass of dark beer, his fingers barely keeping a grip on it. The guys on the other side of him we’re laughing at his conquest.

The man let out a burp before he came back onto the bar counter, “I-I see you laughin,’ but I’m real! I’ll stick my dick in a big-ass ass.” He took a big swig of his beer and slammed it back down. He took in a big gasp and yelled out, “I’ll find a chick like that—I like big butts!”

I wanted to discreetly listen in on the conversation for as long as I could, but I couldn’t help but to turn my head and look to my right. I could feel my eyes squinting, in confusion at the drunk man next to me. My brain tried to keep up with the conversation, but he quickly jumped back and forth from talking about asses and the laughing person next to him.

You are one strange, bald man.

Originally, I had came to the bar to just relax and unwind from a stressful day at work—a common thing to do. I just wanted to have a nice drink and browse around on my phone for an hour or two, maybe chat it up with one of the bartenders for a bit. Never did I imagine I’d hear such a strange conversation going on next to me. And yet, I couldn’t get enough. Before I knew it, I had my drink tight in my hand as I continued to listen to the drunk man, not even trying to hide the fact that I was listening.

I laughed at the thought, it’s great that he can’t control the volume of his voice. More comedy gold for me.


Copyright © 2019 by Luka Tatsujo

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