Tag: Humor

Casino? Can See, No.

Day after day, thousands of people believe that they have some kind of master, foolproof plan that can help them get rich with little to no effort. Very few actually put their plan into action and even then, many of them get caught and suffer the repercussions. For these two, they’re one of those people turned their plan into reality.

“I’m suppose to be a blind dude, idiot. I can’t see the door.”

Marcus gives me a light shove, “You’re not blind until we walk through that door.”

Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – Was Flirting on the List?

Even though Alex brought Sam along to help with the shopping, Alex somehow ends up buying things by herself. Along the way, she runs into a very bold teenager who tries to get her attention. It doesn’t work. 

“So, what brings you here?”

“I’m buying groceries and things for my house.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I’ve been working here a few months.”

Natural Tranquility

“There is peace in silence…”

Rushing water pours down on my head. It has the strength to bring any man down to their knees, but I have trained myself to endure and withstand its power. My body is unwavering and motionless as the waves slide down around me, continuing its journey to the stream below.

“Silence is nature’s remedy for stress…”

Emptiness fills my mental walls, allowing me to forget anything and everything that would normally plague my train of thought. With a clear mind, I only focus on my natural surroundings; the water crashing on my head, the boulder that I perched myself on top of, and the light breezes that blows through the forest brush.

“Stress only blocks the path to true calmness and tranquility…”

I take in a deep breath and hold it in, letting the cool all flow through my warm lungs and back out. I repeat this process over and over until my body feels lighter than air itself. I may not be able to see it, but I can feel a small smile of relaxation appearing on my face. It’s a rare occurrence that I am able to complete an entire session of meditation in complete solitude, so this is more pleasing than usual.

As I’m sitting on the boulder, I can feel that my posture is slightly off, so I take a moment to adjust the alignment in my back; my new posture makes it even easier for the water to pour around me. The simple sound of rushing water is the main thing I hear, accompanied by a few chirping birds every so often. If I choose to, I could even hear the sound of individual water droplets as they fall into the stream.

Finding the perfect state of calmness makes even the most insignificant of things seem like the key to winning an ever-lasting war. Nothing could possibly ruin this moment for me.

“Hey, Sensei!”

Damn.

Perhaps reaching this state of calmness is starting to play tricks on my senses; I could have sworn I just heard a voice other than my own. However, I decide to ignore it and continue with my meditation.

“Sensei! Sensei, I know you can hear me so just give it up!”

That squeaky, girlish voice speaks again. I can even feel a disturbance in floating around in the stream below. My mind is not deceiving me; my prodigy is calling out to me. I let out a loud sigh and open my eyes so I can get a look at her swimming around.

“What is it, young one?” I ask in a light tone.

Snow Negotiations

“Daddy, I don’t wanna go outside.”

Shena stands right in front of the door, throwing a tantrum. She put on her winter clothes, grabbed her jacket, and was ready to leave out that door. She even sat down to put on her snow boots, and now she says she doesn’t want to go out.

I lean down on one knee so I can get down to eye level with her, “Shena, you said you wanted to go play in the snow. Now you don’t want to?”

“Nope.”

“Why don’t you want to go outside?”

“Because I don’t wanna go outside!”

But she was the one who wanted to go outside in the first place… I swear, I don’t understand this kid sometimes.

Acknowledging the situation now, I let out a sigh, drop my head forward, and gently pat my daughter on the head. I take a moment to collect my thoughts before beginning negotiations with this little girl, “We can’t have you cooped up here all day. The snow isn’t high at all and it’s fun to play it. Let’s just go out for a little while to go place, okay?”

She folds her little arms and turns her back to me, shouting out “NO!”

Time to pull out my game changer tactic.

“I’ll give you chocolate milk when we come back into the house.”

Shena instantly turns back around and gives me the most serious face her seven year old face could possibly make, “How much?”

“One mug worth.”

“Two. And I want a vanilla creme cookie to dunk with it.”

“One mug and one cookie. And I’ll throw in a few mini marshmallows in the milk.”

She squints and I squint back at her. She points at me and I point back: our negotiations are reaching its end. I slowly extend my hand out, “So? We got a deal?”

“Don’t go back on your word, ‘Mister.’”

We shake and our agreement is sealed. All that’s left is to put everything into motion and endure the snow. I unlock the front door and slowly open it, giving way to a pure white scenery on our front lawn.

Everything from the curb of the street right up to the bottom of the small three steps that lead into the house is covered in fresh, untouched snow; it looks like somebody put a new silk blanket across the world.

Shena takes a deep breath and clenches her fists, taking the first ground-breaking step into our winter wonderland. She stops for a moment and turns back to me.

“Daddy.”

“What is it?”

“I’m done playing outside. I’m ready for cocoa milk now.”

“All you did was take a step outside!”

“Yeah, my foot had fun taking that step in the snow and I’m ready to go back inside.”

She turns right back around and walks past me into the house as if nothing happened, which nothing did happen. Taking just one step outside doesn’t count as playtime. And I know how to make sure everything goes my way.

“This doesn’t count as playtime. If you sit on that couch, you won’t get any chocolate milk and cookies.”

As soon as I finish that sentence, Shena comes sprinting out of the house and jumps face first into our snowy lawn. Next thing you know, she’s making snow angels like there’s no tomorrow all across the lawn, yelling out Christmas carols and songs during the entire thing.

“JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE ALL THE WAY!”

Now that’s playtime.

Laughter fills my lungs I try to catch my breath as I watch Shena rushing her body to try and have fun just for chocolate milk. But I did say that both of us would play, so I run back into the house to grab my coat before I join her in the snow angel madness.

Alex & Sam’s Daily Life – You Said Anything with A Clock

Sam still can’t grasp the concept of Daylight Saving correctly and it’s starting to effect her. Luckily, she has Alex to help her make sure everything is set right, even though it’s a simple problem. Or at least, it should be.

“Alex, I need help!”

“What is it, Sam?”

“Can you come downstairs? I’m trying to figure something out about how to set the time on one of the clocks.”

Knight in Not-So-Shiny Armor

“As you can see, I am quite the collector.”

Taking a peaceful stroll through a massive corridor, decorated with stained glass windows and finely crafted curved ceilings from one end to the other, a pair of gentlemen have a somewhat casual conversation with one another.

The elder of the two is Sir Reginald Clay, an aristocrat of the modern era. Although he is clearly the older one among the two gentlemen, his natural looks hide his true age. Around this point in a person’s life, gray streaks would be prominent in their hair, but for Sir Clay, his hair is still in its prime, shining in a honey brown tone in his normal combed back style. His skin is still a bright peach color with a few red blush spots.

As for his physical build, it rivals that of even the muscular build of fit men in their early twenties. He’s dressed in a refined and hand stitched black suit with a white button up shirt underneath; the shape of his toned arms gently show in the seams of the shirt and suit.

His voice clear and deep, he adjusts the collar of his suit as he continues talking, “I’ve spend decades in search of such a collection of armors and helms. Each one with a story of its own and how I went about acquiring it. He stops in front of a decorated armor set and looks directly at the young man following his, “When I know the whereabouts of something I want, I always find a way of obtaining it.”

Unlike Sir Clay, the young man isn’t as arrogant as his elder. Standing at Reginald Clay’s side is Cain Ashe, a young man born into a noble and wealthy family. Sporting a dark blue blazer jacket with a black undershirt, Cain fixes his jet black hair, parting it into two even sides. When he approaches the set of armor Sir Clay pointed out, Cain puts his hands in his jack pockets and focuses intently on the armor.

“Let’s see… Emblem in its chest plate, thick metal body from head to toe and a shogunate’s helm with one of the branches broken.” Cain inches just a bit closer to get a look behind the armor, “It’s katana is sheathed on its back and seems to be just under five feet in length from hilt to tip. This is an elite guard’s armor during the Edo period of Japan.”

Sir Clay puts on a surprised look, keeping his eye on Cain, “I’m impressed. You were able to figure that out just from getting a glimpse at it.”

“When I was home-schooled, I asked my tutor to give me extra lesson in Asian history. I’ve always had an interest in Edo Japanese warfare.”

“I take it your tutor had a lot of different images of armors and plates?”

“Too many that I’ve lost count. But seeing it with my own two eyes, it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. It’s amazing!”

Sensing the amazement from young Cain, a big grin slowly creeps up on Sir Clay’s face, “I bet you’ve never seen such an a vast panoply of armor sets from various time periods? I’m honored.”

I’m Not Adorable

I let out a sigh as I’m leaning back against the wall, waiting for all of this to end. However, considering the fact that my arm has turned into a hanging rack, I’m pretty sure we’re going to be here for a while. It’s Tuesday and barely anybody is out shopping around this time unless they’re getting groceries for dinner right after work. As for me, I’m stuck with Samantha. Don’t get me wrong; I love her to death. It’s just… she has a problem when it comes to clothes shopping.

I look through the assortment of clothes she has me holding. A few long sleeve shirts, a few pairs of pants, a skirt and a petticoat. I’m starting to notice that she likes bright colors and things that just fit her just a bit tight. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things she wears are a bit tighter in some places on her.

Samantha calls out to me from behind the changing room stall, “Hey, Alex!”

“What is it?” I reply.

“I need your opinion on something.”

The door flies open and Samantha comes out casually strutting her stuff about. She has on a tight, long sleeve bright red shirt with frilled cuffs around her hands and a small, black skirt with more frills around the edges. All of her curves are just popping out, so my eyes don’t know where to look.

She stands there with her arms folded behind her back and asks, “How does this one look on me?”

My eyes keep darting around her body, “It’s one that certainly knows where to highlight your features.”

“Is that bad?”

“It’s only bad if you think it is.”

“Hmm… Hey, keep your eyes on me for a sec, okay?”

That’s all my eyes have been doing ever since you came out of that stall.

She seems hesitant about something, but she then claps her hands together and takes a deep breath. Using the tile floors of the department store, she gives herself a quick twirl on one foot and comes to an abrupt stop. She tries to make eye contact with me, but her embarrassment seems to get the best of her and she looks away from me.

“D-D-Did you see…?”

Was I suppose to be looking for something? “I saw you do a twirl. Was there something you wanted to catch?”

Her face quickly becomes red, “My underwear…”

… Huh? Confused, all I can do was stare at her with a blank look. I can’t even manage to think of something to say. Samantha walks up to me and pokes me on my cheek after noticing my reaction.

“D-Did you you see them?”

“If you’re so worried about somebody seeing your panties while you’re wearing a skirt, just go grab a pair of leggings or something.”

She puffs up her cheeks a bit and folds her arms, “I forgot about those…” She lets out a small chuckle and continues talking, “Where would I be without you?”

“Probably back at home with your parents locked away in your room playing video games.”

“That sounds about right. Wait here for a minute. I’m gonna go find something I can wear under this.”

She gives me a small smile before walking out of the changing section and onto the main floor of the clothing section. I let out a deep sigh and reflect on how I managed to keep Samantha from dying of embarrassment so many times; I’ve done it a lot.

The door to the stall is cracked open a bit, so I can see all of the different kinds of outfits she has organized inside. Normally, clothing doesn’t catch my interest, but being stuck here after a certain amount of time wore me down. I give in and step into the stall, closing the door behind me.

On both sides of the stall are perfectly organized sets of clothes and outfits while a full sized mirror is on the back wall.

“I wish she kept her closet this neat,” I say out loud.

When I look into the mirror, I can see myself dressed in my normal black and white business outfits. I was never fond of skirts, so I always wore pants of some kind. After looking at a row of skirts Samantha brought into the booth, I shrug and decide to experiment to kill some time. Knowing her, she’s going to find a pair of leggings she likes and eventually get distracted by seeing more cute clothes on the way back.

Without thinking, I randomly grabbed a few pieces of clothing off the walls and quickly change into them. I look into the mirror for the results. In my blind picking, I ended up grabbing a blue and white stripped long sleeve and a skirt, in a much darker shade of blue, that ends just below my knees. Everything fits nicely without any tightening.

I stand in front of the mirror and look at the person in it, “I feel so weird like this.”

Something doesn’t feel right though. I take off my glasses, putting them on a small pile of clothes on the floor, and fix my hair, letting a small section of it hang out over my chest. Upon further looking, I notice that the green in my hair is slowly fading, giving way to my natural blonde tone underneath.

As I’m focused on the mirror, I can hear Samantha calling out again, “Alex, I’m back! Are you in here?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right out.”

As if nothing happens, I turn around and walk out of the booth. When I step out, Samantha has a surprised look on her face.

“Whoops. Sorry, I think I’m at the wrong booth.”

Samantha quickly leaves and starts walking a bit further down the row of changing stalls.

What the hell?

I walk over to her and tap her on the shoulder. She turns around and looks at me.

“Yes, Miss?”

“‘Miss?’ Sam, it’s me.”

For some reason, Samantha backs up a bit and quints her eyes at me. As if she really has to focus in order to figure out what’s going on. After putting two and two together, she gasps and runs up to me, running her hands all over me.

“S-Sam! You look… you look…”

“I know, I know. Nothing suits me.”

“You look adorable! You’re even wearing a skirt and you hate wearing them! I totally didn’t recognize you. It’s like you had a transformation or something!”

“All I did was change clothes and take off my glasses… How can I look that different?”

A big smile appears on Sam’s face, “I can show you how different you look just by changing clothes!”

She grabs me by the wrist and forcefully pulls me into the changing booth with her. She starts taking clothes off of the sides and sizes them up on me.

What the hell did I just get myself into now…?

— via Daily Prompt: Transformation Transformation